You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
