That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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