I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
