I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
