mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mom said you looked used
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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