I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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