I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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