everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
