I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
