I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize