i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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