and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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