I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
