you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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