I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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