if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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