the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
