I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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