I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
