the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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