sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
