you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Too much gin, very little bucket
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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