Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
