My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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