Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
