I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
