girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
