I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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