are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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