it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
