i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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