Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
BRING THE BAGELS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
