If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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