I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
