how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
