this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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