i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
