I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
