Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
