i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize