I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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