I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
