I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
