i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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