i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
