4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
