I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
