omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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