he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
what the fuck happened to the tacos
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
