Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
