Non-Jews are for practice
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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