she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a search helicopter?!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
