Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
