He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
