I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
