I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize