guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
