No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize