What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
