Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
