In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize