Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
