sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
