it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
