And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize