just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
