Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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