Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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