nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
