Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
