omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
