Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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