Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
