he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize