Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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