A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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