So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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