We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
