Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
