i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
