I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
