Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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