Apparently you make a good broom.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
