I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
