Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
