perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
