a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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