i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
