But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yo dont text me then not text me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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