It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
