I'm going to jail i love you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
